It was confusing and full of hummus
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
