I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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