i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
