Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
