You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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