Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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