she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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