Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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