ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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