You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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