I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
