She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
