He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
