WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just high enough for therapy.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
