He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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