pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude i'm inner monologue high
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
