maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
