Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
