You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
