It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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