I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
