Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
