They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
