I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
