This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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