But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wish you could order shots online.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
