You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
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Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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