I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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