Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
