I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
