he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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