JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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