That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
