I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
