went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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