and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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