i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
