I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
