I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
