HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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