Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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