they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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