She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
