is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
