i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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