Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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