i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
