It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
