Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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