I swear she didn't look like that last week.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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