The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
