$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
