just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
