No, drunk sperm still make babies.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
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I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
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I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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