OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
