chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
