6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
