I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
