Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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