Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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