Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
