So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
