you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
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We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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