If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
